The Feedback That Shattered My Leadership Ego

🍽️ Why the Best Leadership Happens Around the Table

Where Food Industry Leaders Are Made – One Habit at a Time!

🎯 Quick – Timely – Impactful Lessons of Leadership

🔍 The Self-Awareness Framework

The Meeting That Changed Everything

The feedback hit like a punch to the gut.

"You don't listen. You interrupt constantly. And when someone disagrees with you, you shut them down."

My first instinct? Defend myself. Explain why they were wrong. List all the times I had listened.

But something stopped me. Maybe it was the third person saying essentially the same thing. Maybe it was exhaustion from always being right. Maybe I was finally ready to hear the truth.

That moment, choosing to listen instead of defend, became the inflection point in my leadership journey.

🥖 Opening Bite

Daniel Goleman's research on emotional intelligence revealed that self-awareness is the foundation of all leadership competencies. You can't manage what you don't recognize. You can't improve what you won't acknowledge.

Tasha Eurich's studies on self-awareness show that while 95% of people think they're self-aware, only 10-15% actually are. The gap between perceived and actual self-awareness is where leadership derails.

In food operations, where pressure is constant and stakes are high, leaders without self-awareness create cultures of fear, blame, and defensive behavior. Self-aware leaders build environments where people can be honest, take risks, and grow.

🔥 From the Kitchen

After that feedback session, I made a choice: get curious about my blind spots instead of defensive about my image.

I started asking better questions:

• Not "Did I do a good job?" but "What could I have done differently?"

• Not "Do you agree with me?" but "What am I missing?"

• Not "Why didn't this work?" but "What's my contribution to this problem?"

The answers were uncomfortable. I discovered patterns I'd been blind to for years:

I interrupted because I was impatient, not because my ideas were better.

I shut down disagreement because I was insecure, not because I was right.

I dominated conversations because I equated talking with leading.

These weren't personality quirks. They were leadership liabilities. And they were costing me talent, trust, and team performance.

🍽️ The Recipe: Building Self-Awareness

INGREDIENT 1: SEEK FEEDBACK ACTIVELY (DON'T WAIT FOR ANNUAL REVIEWS)

Self-awareness requires external mirrors. You can't see your blind spots alone.

What I implemented:

• Weekly feedback requests: "What's one thing I did this week that helped? What's one thing I could improve?"

• After every major decision or meeting: "How could I have handled that better?"

• Monthly 360-degree check-ins: Asking direct reports, peers, and my boss for honest input

The key: When people give you feedback, say "thank you" and nothing else. Don't explain. Don't defend. Just receive it.

Defensiveness kills honesty. Curiosity invites truth.

INGREDIENT 2: NOTICE YOUR TRIGGERS

Self-awareness means recognizing your emotional patterns, especially under stress.

I started tracking:

• When do I get defensive?

• Which situations make me anxious?

• What type of feedback do I resist most?

• Who brings out my worst behavior?

Once I saw the patterns, I could interrupt them. Before a meeting with someone who triggered me, I'd pause and remind myself: "Notice the trigger. Choose the response."

Viktor Frankl said it best: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."

Self-awareness creates that space.

INGREDIENT 3: EXAMINE YOUR DEFAULTS

We all have default modes, automatic responses we rely on without thinking. Mine was "take charge immediately." In a crisis, I defaulted to command-and-control. Every time.

But that default, while efficient in true emergencies, crushed initiative in normal operations. People stopped thinking for themselves because I'd always swoop in with the answer.

Self-awareness required asking: Is my default response serving the situation, or just serving my comfort?

Now before defaulting to "take charge," I pause and ask: Does this situation require my intervention, or my restraint?

INGREDIENT 4: NAME YOUR VALUES AND LIVE THEM VISIBLY

Real self-awareness means knowing what you stand for and aligning your behavior accordingly.

I wrote down my core values: Integrity. Growth. Impact. Service.

Then I got brutally honest: Do my daily actions reflect these values, or do they contradict them?

The gap between stated values and actual behavior revealed where I was fooling myself.

INGREDIENT 5: REFLECT REGULARLY

Self-awareness isn't a one-time event. It's a practice.

I started ending each week with three questions:

1. What went well this week because of my leadership?

2. What went poorly this week because of my leadership?

3. What's one pattern I'm noticing about myself?

This weekly reflection turned self-awareness from a concept into a habit.

🥘 From the Line

Six months after committing to self-awareness:

• My team's engagement scores increased 40%

• People started bringing me problems instead of hiding them

• Innovation improved because people felt safe contributing ideas

• Turnover decreased—people wanted to work for me, not in spite of me

But the biggest change? I stopped exhausting myself pretending to be perfect. Self-awareness gave me permission to be human. And paradoxically, that made me a better leader.

🍷 Plated: The Accountability Mirror

David Goggins talks about the "accountability mirror", looking at yourself honestly and calling out your own BS.

Leadership version:

Stand in front of a mirror (literally or figuratively) and ask:

• What am I pretending not to know about myself?

• What feedback have I been dismissing?

• Where is my behavior contradicting my stated values?

• What would my team say about me if I wasn't in the room?

The answers might sting. That's the point. Growth lives on the other side of uncomfortable truth.

🧂 Season to Taste

This week, try this:

Ask three people (direct report, peer, boss): "What's one thing I do that helps our work together? What's one thing I could do differently that would make me more effective?"

When they answer, resist the urge to explain or defend. Just say "thank you" and write it down.

At the end of the week, look for patterns. That's where your growth work begins.

Self-awareness isn't about beating yourself up. It's about seeing yourself clearly so you can lead more effectively.

And it starts with one question: Am I willing to hear the truth about myself?

📚 Go Deeper

"Insight" by Tasha Eurich
The definitive book on self-awareness. Research-backed strategies for seeing yourself clearly.

"Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown
How vulnerability and self-awareness create brave leadership.

"The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership"
Practical framework for self-aware leadership.

🔗 Cross-References

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🪑 undefined, by Robert Adams Breaking Bread. Building Leaders. One Habit at a Time.
🍽️ A publication by Robert Adams — A Student of Leadership.

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