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🎯 Quick – Timely – Impactful Lessons of Leadership

🪑 The Leadership Table Monday, February 09, 2026 | A Student of Leadership

Marcus knew he needed to say something. But his stomach tightened. He ran through the scenarios in his head: If he said something now, Diego might get defensive, shut down, maybe quit, and they were already short-staffed. If he waited until later, it might escalate or become a bigger issue. If he pulled Diego aside for a formal "talk," it would feel heavy and uncomfortable.

So Marcus did what most leaders do: He said nothing. He made a mental note to "address it later." Later became never. The behavior continued. Quality slipped. Other team members noticed and wondered why Diego got away with things they didn't. And Marcus felt like he was failing as a leader.

Sound familiar?

🥖 Opening Bite

Here's what research consistently shows: most leaders are terrible at giving feedback. Not because they don't care. Because feedback is uncomfortable, and nobody taught them how to do it well.

Gallup research found that employees who receive regular feedback are 3.6 times more engaged than those who don't. Yet when managers are surveyed, "provides developmental feedback in a timely manner" consistently ranks among the lowest scores on leadership effectiveness. Translation: We know feedback matters. We're just not doing it.

Why? Three main reasons:

1. We avoid discomfort. Giving feedback means risking conflict, defensiveness, or hurt feelings. So we wait for the "right moment" (which never comes) or save it for the annual review (when it's too late to matter).

2. We do it poorly. When we finally give feedback, it's vague ("You need to be more professional"), delayed ("Remember three weeks ago when..."), or mixed with so many positives that the actual issue gets lost ("You're doing great, but...").

3. We focus on the past, not the future. Most feedback is essentially a report on history: "Here's what you did wrong." It makes people defensive because they can't change the past. What they need is guidance on what to do differently going forward.

🔥 From the Kitchen

Let me share what changed my approach to feedback. Early in my career, I managed a distribution warehouse. I had a team member, let's call him Tom, who was chronically late. Not dramatically late, but 5-10 minutes most days. It was disrupting the morning flow.

I avoided addressing it for weeks. Finally, I pulled Tom aside and said, "Tom, you've been late 14 times in the last month. This needs to stop or we'll have to write you up."

Tom got defensive immediately. "I'm only a few minutes late. Other people take long breaks. Why are you singling me out?" The conversation deteriorated from there. Nothing changed.

A few months later, I attended a workshop on behavioral coaching. The instructor introduced me to Marshall Goldsmith's concept of "feedforward", instead of dwelling on past failures, you focus on future possibilities. You replace "here's what you did wrong" with "here's what would help you be more successful."

I tried a different approach with Tom. I said three words I'd never said before: "I need help." Then: "Tom, I need help solving something. Our morning flow depends on everyone being here at 7 AM sharp. When someone's late, even a few minutes, it creates a cascade effect. I know you care about the team. What would help you consistently hit 7 AM? What obstacles are in your way?"

Everything changed. Tom didn't get defensive because I wasn't attacking. Instead, he opened up: his kid's daycare didn't open until 6:45, and traffic was unpredictable. We problem-solved together, he started coming in at 7:15 and staying 15 minutes later, which actually worked better for our afternoon coverage. The behavior changed not because I gave better criticism, but because I shifted from feedback (looking backward, finding fault) to feedforward (looking forward, solving problems together).

🍽️ The Recipe: The 3 Shifts That Make Feedback Work

Based on research on behavioral change and my own experiences coaching leaders, here are three fundamental shifts that transform feedback from something people dread into something that actually helps:

SHIFT 1: From Delayed to Immediate (Make It Timely)

The Problem: Most leaders save feedback for formal reviews, one-on-ones, or "when they have time." By then, the moment has passed. The behavior is disconnected from the conversation. The impact is lost.

The Shift: Feedback works best when it's immediate, or as close to the moment as possible. Not because you should pounce on every mistake, but because people can actually remember the situation, connect the dots, and course-correct while it still matters.

What This Looks Like: Remember Marcus and Diego? Here's what immediate feedback would sound like: Marcus walks over during prep, not angry or dramatic, just matter-of-fact: "Hey Diego, pause for a second. I just saw you mixing yesterday's veg with today's. Walk me through your thinking there."

Notice what Marcus didn't do: He didn't ignore it. He didn't save it for later. He didn't make it a big formal thing. He addressed it immediately, calmly, as a moment of teaching rather than punishment. Diego now has a chance to explain ("Oh, I thought these were still good") or realize his mistake in real-time. Marcus can clarify the standard, Diego can adjust immediately, and they both move on. Total time: 90 seconds.

Why This Works: Research on behavioral change shows that the closer feedback is to the behavior, the more effective it is. The gap between action and feedback is where rationalization happens. The longer you wait, the more someone can convince themselves their way was fine, you're overreacting, or they don't even remember the situation the same way.

The Practice: Set a mental rule: If something needs addressing, do it within 24 hours or let it go. If it's not worth addressing within a day, it probably wasn't that important. If it is important, don't let it fester.

SHIFT 2: From Vague to Specific (Make It Observable)

The Problem: Most feedback is so vague it's useless. "You need to have a better attitude." "Be more professional." "Show more initiative." "Improve your communication." What does any of that actually mean? How do you measure it? How do you know if you've improved?

The Shift: Effective feedback describes observable behavior, things you can see or hear. Not judgments, interpretations, or guesses about someone's intentions or character. Just: "Here's what I observed. Here's the impact. Here's what I need instead."

What This Looks Like:

Vague (doesn't work): "Sarah, you're not being a team player."

Specific (works): "Sarah, in today's meeting you interrupted three teammates before they finished their thoughts. When that happens, people stop contributing because they don't feel heard. Tomorrow's meeting, I need you to let people finish completely before you respond. Can you do that?"

Notice the difference? The second version tells Sarah exactly what behavior to change, why it matters, and what success looks like. She can't argue about whether she's "a team player", that's subjective. But she can't deny that she interrupted people, and she knows precisely what to do differently tomorrow.

Why This Works: Our brains respond to specifics, not abstractions. "Be more professional" doesn't tell someone what to do. "Respond to client emails within 4 hours during business hours" does. When feedback is specific and observable, it becomes actionable.

The Practice: Before giving feedback, complete this sentence: "When you [specific observable behavior], the impact is [observable consequence]. What I need instead is [specific observable different behavior]." If you can't complete that sentence with observable facts, your feedback isn't ready yet.

SHIFT 3: From Past to Future (Make It Forward-Looking)

The Problem: Traditional feedback looks backward. "Here's what you did wrong last week." But you can't change last week. All that does is make people defensive or ashamed. Marshall Goldsmith found that most of us hate getting negative feedback, and we're not good at giving it. Leaders consistently score lowest on "provides developmental feedback" and "accepts constructive criticism." It's painful for everyone.

The Shift: This is Goldsmith's "feedforward" concept: Instead of criticizing the past, you help shape the future. You ask: "What would help you be more successful going forward?" You shift from "here's what you did wrong" to "here's what would work better next time."

What This Looks Like:

Traditional Feedback (backward-looking): "James, you handled that customer complaint poorly. You got defensive and made excuses instead of apologizing. That's why the customer escalated to corporate. You need to do better."

Feedforward (forward-looking): "James, that customer complaint got messy. Let's talk about how to handle the next one differently. When a customer is upset, what's one thing you could do in the first 30 seconds that would de-escalate instead of making it worse?"

Notice the frame? The first approach focuses on James's failure. It's accusatory, shame-based, and gives him no clear path forward except "do better" (which means nothing). The second approach acknowledges something went wrong but immediately shifts to problem-solving. It asks James to think through what would work better. It treats him as someone capable of learning, not someone who failed.

Why This Works: When you focus on the future instead of the past, people drop their defenses because they're not being attacked for something they can't change. Instead, they're being invited to problem-solve something they can control. Goldsmith's research shows people actually listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback because they're not busy defending themselves, they're thinking about solutions.

The Practice: After you describe what happened (the observable behavior and impact), use this phrase: "Next time, what would work better if..." or "Going forward, here's what I need..." or "Let's figure out together how to..." These phrases shift the conversation from judgment to collaboration.

🥘 From the Line

When leaders make these three shifts, from delayed to immediate, from vague to specific, from past to future, feedback becomes a different kind of conversation. Not something people dread. Something they actually use. The impacts compound:

🍷 Plated

Here's what I've learned over 30+ years leading in foodservice: The difference between a good leader and a great leader isn't that great leaders never have problems with their people. It's that great leaders address issues immediately, specifically, and in a way that helps people improve rather than just makes them feel bad.

Marcus didn't need to avoid the conversation with Diego. He just needed three shifts: Address it immediately (not later), describe exactly what he observed ("you're mixing yesterday's veg with today's"), and make it forward-looking ("walk me through your thinking" or "here's our standard, how can we make sure you hit it tomorrow?").

Most leaders think they're bad at feedback because they're uncomfortable with confrontation. But feedback done well isn't confrontation. It's coaching. It's: "I saw this. Here's why it matters. Here's what I need instead. Can you do that?" Thirty seconds. Not dramatic. Not personal. Just clear.

The magic isn't in some complex framework. It's in making feedback normal, as routine as giving directions or answering questions. When feedback is timely, specific, and forward-looking, it stops feeling like criticism and starts feeling like help. And that's when behavior actually changes.

🧂 Season to Taste

This week's practice: Identify one behavior you need to address with someone on your team. Before the conversation, write down: (1) the specific observable behavior, (2) the impact, and (3) what you need instead. Then have the conversation within 24 hours. Notice how much easier it is when you're specific and forward-looking instead of vague and past-focused.

📚 Go Deeper

"Try Feedforward Instead of Feedback" by Marshall Goldsmith - The foundational article on why forward-looking suggestions work better than backward-looking criticism. Goldsmith's research with thousands of executives shows feedforward is faster, more effective, and way less painful.

Gallup's Research on Employee Engagement and Feedback - Data showing employees who receive regular feedback are 3.6 times more engaged. Also reveals why most leaders score lowest on "provides developmental feedback", we know it matters but we're not doing it.

"Feedback and Coaching" (PMC Research) - Medical education research on why feedback works best when it's about observed behaviors, delivered immediately, and focused on helping learners change behavior rather than judging past performance.

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